Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

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Markymarkmark
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Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

What I'm about to post may seem like an overreaction, even on a forum dedicated to the fetish; but this is my best bet at communicating with people who might understand.

So, I'm 37, and from the UK. I am engaged to my partner of seven years, and things are great between us. We both love each other very much.

However, I have never told her about my fetish. My initial reasons for not doing was not wanting to freak her out. My ongoing reasons for not doing are that my fetish has still been largely satisfied - until recently.

I am very, very lucky, in that she loves foot massages. For this reason alone, people are going to read my post and ask how I could possibly complain.

Her love for foot massages has obviously helped enormously, along with the facts that she wears flip-flops a lot in the summer, and goes barefoot around the house a fair amount, also in the summer. These things have satisfied my fetish, so I really haven't felt the need to tell her about the fetish, as I say.

However, a couple of things seem to potentially to have changed, recently. It is not yet summer, but she has talked about how she plans to wear flip-flops less this year, as she has worn them too much previously, and the are not good for walking in much. I have tried to gently convince her that she still should, but she has remained adamant that she should not do much.

Secondly, we have had some unseasonably nice weather recently (by UK standards). I had been hoping that she would be barefoot, but, to my dismay, she has worn socks every day, despite the weather having been as warm as it is in the middle of our summers.

It is true that we haven't had nice weather for long, so it may seem too early to really judge how much she'll be showing her feet, but I find myself feeling worried about it.

I realise that this will sound way over the top, but, when you have a partner who doesn't know about your fetish, at the very least, SEEING them barefoot is very important, in order to remain attracted. I concede again that I am very lucky that she likes massages, but I just really wish she'd show her feet more.

Of course, people are probably wondering why I don't tell her about my fetish. There are several reasons why this is hard. Firstly, of course, she might just think it was weird, and I would hate for our great relationship quality to be compromised.

Secondly, after seven years, she might wonder why on earth I haven't told her sooner. She might even be annoyed.

Thirdly, and perhaps most significantly, she thinks that I am really lovely, for always massaging her feet. So, if I tell her, she will think it has only ever been for my own pleasure, rather than as a loving act (it's actually both, as I am a nice, loving partner, genuinely).

Furthermore, I have, perhaps not surprisingly, bought her several pairs of flip-flops, over the years, and not just as birthday presents etc. If she finds out about my fetish, that'll be other gestures that she loved me for, but will now seem just acts of selfishness.

Before anyone suggests it, I often 'encourage' her to show her feet, indirectly: I've always told her that her feet are nice, I compliment her toes when she paints them, I say that she looks nice in flip-flops etc. I even go as far as commenting on how warm it is, not wearing socks myself and pointing that out! She knows I like her feet; just not how much!

Has anyone ever had the same problem? Does anyone have any advice? I realise that I might seem to be overreacting, but my fetish is so strong, that it really dominates my thoughts. Sometimes, it almost seems like a curse.

Any responses would be very welcome.


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Wonderboy1000
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Wonderboy1000 »

Tbh and this is just a me thing but she probably noticed you look at her feet and has an idea. For me I got a girl to tell me I had a foot fetish as during sex i would grab her feet to hold on to and one day she just said I think you have a foot fetish but that's fine by me. If you never say anything then you will never be honest as you cannot open up to the truth and if she loves you but does not love every part of you then it's not ment to be so for the most part I would just open up and tell her and explain that u didnt tell her as you dont want to lose her but dont want to lie to her anymore and you might be surprised by the results :) hope that helps.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by nyllover »

First of all, welcome to our forum and thanks for sharing.

I'm afraid you are facing the consequences of not being open about it since the beginning, which is always (always) the best thing to do. Foot fetish is way too important for our sexual life, therefore I really believe a life with a partner who doesn't know, it's a life of suffering.

You are together for 7 years now, so it's not just infatuation. She loves you and you love her. Talk to her. Tell her this about your sexual life. In a gentle, relaxed, honest way. Don't mention why you suddenly tell her, don't tell her that she has disappointed you these days. Just share your fetish, share what really excites you. And let her do the next move. She will NOT freak out if you tell her correctly (like "it's ok if you don't understand it, but I can't live without the love of my life knowing this about me") and don't push her in doing anything.

Take it by small steps. The first one is the most difficult for sure, to be honest. But if that's true love (and it seems it is!), there is NOTHING to be afraid about. NOTHING.

Hope my words help a bit, although they come from someone who has been open about it since I first started dating my wife...which didn't know anything about foot fetish before...and now... is Nyllady :)
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by paradigm88 »

The most important thing is to talk.

For a little contrast I'll compare the situation a friend of mine has gone through, and mine.

My friend has been married many years. His wife is super nice and a great companion for him. But she struggles with self-image and confidence. She's worked from home for the better part of ten years, and her lack of confidence isn't helped by a disdain for clothes shopping. So her sense of style has become locked into the mundane. A t-shirt and jeans are good enough most days. A sweatshirt over that on the colder days, maybe shorts if they're going to the beach.

My friend is hardly a dandy himself, but as he put it to me once, "when we go out, I want to feel like I'm with my wife, not my mom." Direct communication isn't always his strength, but in their case, her self-image issues don't help. Instead of taking his suggestions as an endorsement of her beauty, she takes them as disapproval or lack of satisfaction. He's at a loss. All he wants is for his wife to, well, turn up the wick every so often.

And so they remain, stuck in a rut.

By comparison, my wife and I have been together ten years now, married for a few. I had always been careful to plant the seed of foot partialism, but I was generally open to admitting it to girls who didn't react with a sense of repulsion. So my wife knew by our earliest dates that I was attracted to her feet. Footsies, foot rubs and shoe shopping were quickly part of our routine. When we're at home, and sometimes when we're out, she'll make a point out of dipping out of her shoes, knowing I'm turned on.

I prefer stockinged to bare feet, and my wife is graciously willing to oblige. But many days, practicality forces my wife into her bare feet by the time I get home from work. And when it gets remotely nice outside, she finds it too hot for tights. So in the spring and summer and into the fall, unless it's a special occasion, it's a long, bare, boring dry spell. Even this winter, I found myself pining for her stockinged feet when we were both too stressed to put "the effort" in. We've been trying to find time (or were, before the lockdown) for date nights where we don't just fall into the trap of "we're going out so we don't have to cook."

But the key is we can talk about it. I can't expect her to know how I feel unless I tell her. And I can't know how she feels unless she tells me. That communication is critical.

Unless your fiancee is rather sheltered and naive, she probably has an idea already that you're attracted to feet on some level. She just might not realize how much or to what extent.

I think there's more to gain from honesty at this point than there is to lose. But if you think she'll see it another way (see my poor friend above), maybe your hesitance isn't as misplaced as we think it might be.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by hiker »

You've been with her for 7 years, and you still haven't made her aware of this? I'm not sure how a healthy relationship can progress this far under these circumstances.

I guess a better question is... why haven't you informed her of your fondness for feet?

Unless you address this with her relatively quickly, this is going to be a big problem for you. Your sexual frustration will begin to grow exponentially, which will doom your relationship. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't already.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by guidolavespa »

I haven't said anything yet because she often shoeplay and shows feet spontaneously and i have fear that this thing would change if she's aware
Maybe she'd continue but there won't be the same naturality
And maybe she could easily catch me looking at others' feet
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by nyllover »

I had a friend who was more or less like you....only he didn't tell her for like 15 years. In the end, he did...and he's living like in a dream since his wife started to use his foot fetish to "spice up" their life. Never underestimate the power of a woman...be open, tell her... you might miss A LOT if you don't
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by hiker »

guidolavespa wrote: Mon Apr 13, 2020 11:31 pmI haven't said anything yet because she often shoeplay and shows feet spontaneously and i have fear that this thing would change if she's aware
In your original post you stated that you never made her aware of your proclivity for fear that you would "freak her out".

Here you are stating that the reason is that the spontaneity would be lost.

Which is it?

I ask because I sense you are just trying to justify the mistake of not letting her know. Don't do that.

If you don't ask for what you want the answer will always be "no". I don't understand the need to be so secretive and untruthful with your girl, especially considering you've been with her for so long.
guidolavespa
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by guidolavespa »

hiker wrote: Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:35 pm
guidolavespa wrote: Mon Apr 13, 2020 11:31 pmI haven't said anything yet because she often shoeplay and shows feet spontaneously and i have fear that this thing would change if she's aware
In your original post you stated that you never made her aware of your proclivity for fear that you would "freak her out".

Here you are stating that the reason is that the spontaneity would be lost.

Which is it?

I ask because I sense you are just trying to justify the mistake of not letting her know. Don't do that.

If you don't ask for what you want the answer will always be "no". I don't understand the need to be so secretive and untruthful with your girl, especially considering you've been with her for so long.
We are not the same person ;) I was only give my opinion on the point
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by hiker »

guidolavespa wrote: Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:10 pm
hiker wrote: Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:35 pm
guidolavespa wrote: Mon Apr 13, 2020 11:31 pmI haven't said anything yet because she often shoeplay and shows feet spontaneously and i have fear that this thing would change if she's aware
In your original post you stated that you never made her aware of your proclivity for fear that you would "freak her out".

Here you are stating that the reason is that the spontaneity would be lost.

Which is it?

I ask because I sense you are just trying to justify the mistake of not letting her know. Don't do that.

If you don't ask for what you want the answer will always be "no". I don't understand the need to be so secretive and untruthful with your girl, especially considering you've been with her for so long.
We are not the same person ;) I was only give my opinion on the point
Apologies. My mistake.
Markymarkmark
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

Hi guys. I am going to post a substantial reply to this, shortly. Thank you so much much for the replies so far.
Markymarkmark
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

hiker wrote: Mon Apr 13, 2020 9:29 pm You've been with her for 7 years, and you still haven't made her aware of this? I'm not sure how a healthy relationship can progress this far under these circumstances.

I guess a better question is... why haven't you informed her of your fondness for feet?

Unless you address this with her relatively quickly, this is going to be a big problem for you. Your sexual frustration will begin to grow exponentially, which will doom your relationship. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't already.
There are two reasons why I haven't told her, and these are, effectively, interdependent.

First and foremost, I never wanted to freak her out. It's hard to know how she would react. Some women might find it too weird, and the thought of it ruining what we have is unbearable.

However, the second reason is perhaps most significant: until recently, there was no need to, as my fetish was satisfied. She loves foot massages, and, until recently, would wear flip-flops a lot in the summer, and go barefoot at home in nice weather; but the last two seem to have changed, and it's caused me frustration.

Being from the UK, I wouldn't expect a girlfriend who goes barefoot all, or possibly even most, of the time; but I don't want a girlfriend who goes barefoot pretty much NEVER!

What's perhaps significant, is that I don't need to be suckling, licking and caressing her feet (although, I obviously wouldn't mind...); given the foot massages, all the extra I really need is to have a partner whose feet I can sit back and look at in the background, during the summer.

My fear is that I'm losing even that.
Markymarkmark
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

guidolavespa wrote: Mon Apr 13, 2020 11:31 pm I haven't said anything yet because she often shoeplay and shows feet spontaneously and i have fear that this thing would change if she's aware
Maybe she'd continue but there won't be the same naturality
And maybe she could easily catch me looking at others' feet
It's quite amusing, how someone thought that the above was me; as, for a minute, I had to question myself, and wonder if it was, and that I'd forgotten posting!

Basically, this describes me perfectly; or, it did. I, too, love the NATURALITY of a barefoot woman. Ideally, I want a girlfriend to NATURALLY be barefoot; not just because I want her to be. When I look at porn, I search for 'barefoot candid', as I find it far more attractive, to see a woman wanting to be barefoot, and being barefoot, than I would seeing a woman posing barefoot, deliberately pornographically.

To be fair, both attract me; but natural is what I like best.

Furthermore, I identify with the idea that telling her could change her behaviour. What if she didn't want to be barefoot, for fear that she was somehow bowing down to me, every time she did? What if even natural times, where she would already be barefoot, made her feel sexualised?

I will respond to other comments, shortly, so don't be offended if I haven't replied yet. I have more to offer, too.

Additionally, people, please feel free to offer anything else, as kindred spirits are a great thing!
Markymarkmark
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

Wonderboy1000 wrote: Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:31 am Tbh and this is just a me thing but she probably noticed you look at her feet and has an idea. For me I got a girl to tell me I had a foot fetish as during sex i would grab her feet to hold on to and one day she just said I think you have a foot fetish but that's fine by me. If you never say anything then you will never be honest as you cannot open up to the truth and if she loves you but does not love every part of you then it's not ment to be so for the most part I would just open up and tell her and explain that u didnt tell her as you dont want to lose her but dont want to lie to her anymore and you might be surprised by the results :) hope that helps.
Thank you for your reply. :-) The advice certainly is welcome. I am getting closer to telling her, following a few more days of frustration.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

nyllover wrote: Fri Apr 10, 2020 1:53 pm First of all, welcome to our forum and thanks for sharing.

I'm afraid you are facing the consequences of not being open about it since the beginning, which is always (always) the best thing to do. Foot fetish is way too important for our sexual life, therefore I really believe a life with a partner who doesn't know, it's a life of suffering.

You are together for 7 years now, so it's not just infatuation. She loves you and you love her. Talk to her. Tell her this about your sexual life. In a gentle, relaxed, honest way. Don't mention why you suddenly tell her, don't tell her that she has disappointed you these days. Just share your fetish, share what really excites you. And let her do the next move. She will NOT freak out if you tell her correctly (like "it's ok if you don't understand it, but I can't live without the love of my life knowing this about me") and don't push her in doing anything.

Take it by small steps. The first one is the most difficult for sure, to be honest. But if that's true love (and it seems it is!), there is NOTHING to be afraid about. NOTHING.

Hope my words help a bit, although they come from someone who has been open about it since I first started dating my wife...which didn't know anything about foot fetish before...and now... is Nyllady :)
Thanks for the welcome. It's so good, to be able to talk to like-minded people. Your advice is very useful, as to how to tell her.

What has made it possible for me to keep this from her, is that the massages satisfy my urges, in terms of contact; I don't feel like I even need to be taking it further, and sucking, licking and caressing her feet. For me, the massages and seeing her barefoot in the summer have been enough.

That is, until she seems to have stopped going barefoot. If this doesn't change, I guess I will just have to tell her. You can love someone as much as you want, but you need to be sexually satisfied, too.
Markymarkmark
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

paradigm88 wrote: Sat Apr 11, 2020 2:18 pm The most important thing is to talk.

For a little contrast I'll compare the situation a friend of mine has gone through, and mine.

My friend has been married many years. His wife is super nice and a great companion for him. But she struggles with self-image and confidence. She's worked from home for the better part of ten years, and her lack of confidence isn't helped by a disdain for clothes shopping. So her sense of style has become locked into the mundane. A t-shirt and jeans are good enough most days. A sweatshirt over that on the colder days, maybe shorts if they're going to the beach.

My friend is hardly a dandy himself, but as he put it to me once, "when we go out, I want to feel like I'm with my wife, not my mom." Direct communication isn't always his strength, but in their case, her self-image issues don't help. Instead of taking his suggestions as an endorsement of her beauty, she takes them as disapproval or lack of satisfaction. He's at a loss. All he wants is for his wife to, well, turn up the wick every so often.

And so they remain, stuck in a rut.

By comparison, my wife and I have been together ten years now, married for a few. I had always been careful to plant the seed of foot partialism, but I was generally open to admitting it to girls who didn't react with a sense of repulsion. So my wife knew by our earliest dates that I was attracted to her feet. Footsies, foot rubs and shoe shopping were quickly part of our routine. When we're at home, and sometimes when we're out, she'll make a point out of dipping out of her shoes, knowing I'm turned on.

I prefer stockinged to bare feet, and my wife is graciously willing to oblige. But many days, practicality forces my wife into her bare feet by the time I get home from work. And when it gets remotely nice outside, she finds it too hot for tights. So in the spring and summer and into the fall, unless it's a special occasion, it's a long, bare, boring dry spell. Even this winter, I found myself pining for her stockinged feet when we were both too stressed to put "the effort" in. We've been trying to find time (or were, before the lockdown) for date nights where we don't just fall into the trap of "we're going out so we don't have to cook."

But the key is we can talk about it. I can't expect her to know how I feel unless I tell her. And I can't know how she feels unless she tells me. That communication is critical.

Unless your fiancee is rather sheltered and naive, she probably has an idea already that you're attracted to feet on some level. She just might not realize how much or to what extent.

I think there's more to gain from honesty at this point than there is to lose. But if you think she'll see it another way (see my poor friend above), maybe your hesitance isn't as misplaced as we think it might be.
That was quite the read; thank you for sharing, and for such good advice. The story about your friend is interesting. The way I could compare myself to him, is that he just wants at least for her to make some effort, sometimes. Similarly, while I'm not expecting some dream girl, who lives a barefoot lifestyle, it would at least be nice to see her feet in the summer, just as 90% of women show their feet in the summer. It just seems such an unfortunate twist of fate, for me to have ended up with the one woman who doesn't anymore seem to show her feet much at all. Frankly, I'd rather she put on weight, rather than this. I'm not shallow about looks, but my fetish is so great.

I'm going to shortly post an 'update' (these posts have been replying to people, meanwhile).

Thanks again, and, as always, feel free to offer anything else.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

Okay, so, as boring as it may seem, here's my update:

When I posted my original post, I was frustrated, following a few days of nice weather, during which my girlfriend didn't show her feet.

However, only the next day, there then followed a few days, during which she did, and all was suddenly right with the world. I still intended to come back here, but this explains the delay.

There then followed some worse weather, and, well, her not being barefoot was expected.

However, we are now at the end of three days of nice, summerish weather (by UK standards), and, unfortunately, she has only been barefoot a tiny bit.

I have been working from home, owing to the lockdown, and this has made the issue harder for me to ignore. I have made comments, in an attempt to dissuade her. The day before yesterday, I said, "are you not hot, in socks?". Yesterday, it was a sarcastic "would you like some gloves and a hat, too?", and today it was a somewhat blunt, "socks? That looks strange, on such a nice day". She every time replied saying how her feet got cold (a fair response, obviously, but still rather disappointing).

If she's still wearing socks tomorrow, and hence that my latest blunt comment hasn't encouraged her to go barefoot, I honestly think I might just have to tell her.

I sometimes think I'm crazy, to care so much, but a fetish is hard to control.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by Markymarkmark »

This fetish can seem like both a curse and a blessing.
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Re: Frustration at a partner not showing her feet much

Post by nman »

Thought of sharing my experience and the approach I took to get what I wanted with my fiancee. In my case too, I like to see feet exposed, but in nylons. I always liked women in hosed feet. But I have never discussed this directly with my fiancee. For me, I feel like something will be lost if I told her exactly what I wanted. I like it more when it is natural and candid. Also we have a very masculine and feminine relationship. She is several years younger than me and she likes to be kind of submissive and I feel if I let her know that I have a fetish of some kind she could see it as a weakness.
Please note that what worked for me may not work for someone else as each person is different. This is just my experience and approach. Some ideas may be useful.

So this is what happened. When we started dating, she generally wore pants and different kinds of boots and usually with socks. So where I started was with her clothes. I indicated that I like to see her more in skirt at least when we go out. I got her several sets of matching skirts and tops. Next I got things for her hair and then went for her facial makeup. Next was jewelry. Now all these didn't happen in one day. It took several weeks. 
I realized that she actually liked what I am doing and taking her shopping and getting her things. So the next step was to take her to a nail salon to get her fingers and toes painted. So with her toes panted, she herself said that wearing socks may not be the best with pedicure. I quickly used the opportunity to suggest pantyhose and ordered several pantyhose and later thigh high stockings (patterned and shear). 

You see at this point I was able to discuss about nylons without looking like a weird guy because I have already paid much more attention to other items starting from her head.   And then when it came to shoes, I just let her have ones that are similar to what she was already used to. She generally preferred covered shoes mostly ankle boots that are comfortable to walk. With covered shoes I knew I had the perfect excuse to ask her to take them off indoors. I got her few high heels for the times that we go out.

It didn't take much effort to convince her that women looked more feminine when they are in hosed feet. I was able to quite casually explain why women wear hose and men wear socks and why women wear heels that can be easily taken off and why men's shoes are usually tied with lace. In other words men are supposed to keep their shoes on while women are suppose takeoff their heels when they are indoors and walk around in hosed feet showing off their painted toes.

Now we have gradually settled into she wearing pants and pantyhose to work and her shoes come off as soon as she comes home. Pantyhose with pants go well together as she cannot remove the pantyhose without taking her pants off. So until it is time for her to take a shower, she is in hosed feet. If we go out she puts on thigh high stockings and when we get back I usually gives her a foot massage until she falls a sleep in hosed feet.
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