Are footsie and unknown trampling sexual harassment?

[Feeture Feature]

For more than 50 years I have been placing my feet or hands where they can be touched by the feet of women I do not know, in either planes, theaters, or libraries or at outdoor activities and sports stadiums. Mostly, but not always, the touching is accidental on the woman's part and especially in theaters she does not seem to know it is happening. This behavior has become addictive for me and I am sure I will not change after all these years. Since I am mostly playing a passive role in this (waiting for the woman's touch) and using space that is arguably as much mine to use as the woman's, am I violating any laws or am I just making a poor choice. Sometimes I have been touched without intentionally placing my foot or hand in the foot's path. Sometimes after the woman has made the first touch and not withdrawn I will try to explore the shoe or front of the foot further and at times have touched toes or toenails. I often hang a coat or jacket across the seat next to me so the woman can think she is touching the coat or jacket (or sometimes I think they believe they are touching part of the seat) or I can say I was trying to reach into the coat pocket. If the woman withdraws her foot at the first touch, is that the equivalent of saying No and if I do not pursue her foot is that the end of it? Only once did a woman react strongly and go seeking the theater manager but she thought a mouse had run across her foot and even said she saw it, so she had no idea it was my hand. The very first time I played with a woman's shoe in a theater I was not so skilled. Two women sat behind me. At the end of the movie as the lights came up I was still reaching down playing with one's slingback strap. I heard the other woman say "He's playing with your shoe strap!" but neither made a fuss or said anything to me as I withdrew my hand. On airplanes I have had women crush my foot with their high heels a couple of times but also make a sandwich of my heel with their socked feet and one allowed me to tickle the ball of her hosed foot for hours after she stuck the foot forward on my armrest and touched her toes to the back of my arm. Other women have kicked me in the rear end or on my hands with and without shoes as they slipped their feet between seat cushions and seat backs.

As I have gotten older, the touches that become satisfying are more and more minor. Feeling the different material of shoes and shoe soles, being able to determine shoe design from touch, feeling wiggling toes within shoes, feeling feet suddenly getting very hot in shoes, having fingers getting pressed very hard: all give me an increasingly satisfying experience. And the appearance and age of the woman rarely matters.

As long as I do not grab the feet or pursue them or comment on them to the woman, am I guilty of anything other than possibly being a fool and a jerk? In these days of #metoo accusations would my actions be comparable to those of the monsters? Is this secret enjoyment of their feet or shoes worse than commenting on how much I would like to touch their feet or how sexy their feet look?

[Footsiefreak]

Just be careful because the wrong women will look to get you in trouble.

[Footsiefreak]

But it makes me wonder has a guy/ lady been warned or fired for playing footsie with a co-worker? Something I will have to research.

But an accidential touch could be twisted that the touch was inappropriate. One time I did touch the breasts of a co-worker but it was accidental we were filing and reached at the same spot and rubbed her. If she was a vindictive shrew she could have claimed I touched her but it was an accident and apologized immediately and she wasn't bothered by it.

Also the same has happened in crowded places but with me grazing butts accidently

[Feeture Feature]

Thanks, joshjack, for your comments. I did read your story and appreciate the fact that you used my idea. As for sexual harassment, I too fail to see how I have power over women if I have them unknowingly trample my hand or foot. In fact, because of my desire, the women could easily have power over me. I don't know to what extent I would appreciate that power. I can say that the most enjoyable experiences have been when the woman knew what was happening and responded or when I have been surprised by a woman's action and she did not quit or even acknowledge that anything was happening.

And Footsie, I have had accidental touches like you mention and I know a woman would have to be holding a grudge or be paranoid to make any accusation in such a case. One time I remember is the yearbook high school staff being gathered tightly around a table looking at photos. I was behind my co-editor and she suddenly bent over forward and thrust her rear into my abdomen. I backed off but I must say it felt great. She never said a word or even looked at me.

I do appreciate how women must feel after experiencing some of the behavior being mentioned in the media. My 97 year old mother recently told me that when she was 12 and visiting a girlfriend, the father of the girlfriend was drunk and in their barn. The girlfriend went in the house for a moment, leaving my mother alone and the drunk came out of the barn and tried to pull my mother in the barn, saying he had something to show her. She didn't realize what he was doing but she knew she was upset by his behavior. She avoided him in the future but never told her story to anyone. But I can't see my behavior, which women are immediately able to stop, being an exercise of power. I see my actions as being closer to playing the lottery and seeing if I get lucky.

Footsie, I think during the confirmation of Clarence Thomas for the Supreme Court, there was mention by Anita Hill that he grabbed her foot when she had it propped up shoeless on a table in a law library and she thought that was harassment when it was put into context with his other actions.

[paradigm88]

Many years ago in college, a friend of mine was working on a lighting/rigging crew and borrowed a screwdriver from a female friend on the crew. It was in her back pants pocket. As he told me the story, she had suggested to a supervisor that maybe he shouldn't just take a tool in that way, because not all women would be cool with it. Apparently some of the higher-ups on the crew didn't like him; her admonition turned into an accusation of sexual harassment, and he was almost thrown out of school. (I admit he was always a bit awkward in his choice of phrasing and his interactions with women, but I brushed it off as the byproduct of going to an all-male prep school in his youth, and probably not having a lot of female friends away from school. I took him at his word. I knew he had said things to a female friend of mine that she took as a bit inappropriate, but mostly awkward and not really harmful.)

My grandmother used to caution my grandfather for making funny faces and smiling at little kids who smiled at him; he was just being a silly grandfatherly guy, but some parents get really uptight about that, probably too uptight. Even my wife had a kid wander up to her in a mall; after returning the kid to his searching parents, she asked me at home, "Can you imagine if the kid had come to you? They'd probably have called mall security."

At the end of the day, I think it's largely in the eye of the beholder. Some women may like the attention; some might not. Some might like who's giving the attention, and some might not. And some may impart a greater level of offense upon the act than others. I've seen women on my social media timelines that were downright triggered by behavior some others brushed off.

[Footsiefreak]

Many years ago in college, a friend of mine was working on a lighting/rigging crew and borrowed a screwdriver from a female friend on the crew. It was in her back pants pocket. As he told me the story, she had suggested to a supervisor that maybe he shouldn't just take a tool in that way, because not all women would be cool with it. Apparently some of the higher-ups on the crew didn't like him; her admonition turned into an accusation of sexual harassment, and he was almost thrown out of school. (I admit he was always a bit awkward in his choice of phrasing and his interactions with women, but I brushed it off as the byproduct of going to an all-male prep school in his youth, and probably not having a lot of female friends away from school. I took him at his word. I knew he had said things to a female friend of mine that she took as a bit inappropriate, but mostly awkward and not really harmful.)

My grandmother used to caution my grandfather for making funny faces and smiling at little kids who smiled at him; he was just being a silly grandfatherly guy, but some parents get really uptight about that, probably too uptight. Even my wife had a kid wander up to her in a mall; after returning the kid to his searching parents, she asked me at home, "Can you imagine if the kid had come to you? They'd probably have called mall security."

At the end of the day, I think it's largely in the eye of the beholder. Some women may like the attention; some might not. Some might like who's giving the attention, and some might not. And some may impart a greater level of offense upon the act than others. I've seen women on my social media timelines that were downright triggered by behavior some others brushed off.

I had one of those situations not too long ago I was at the pizza joint waiting for some food and the order takers kids were there. She knew me so I was just talking to them and asking them words to spell since they were spelling. So the husband walks in and yells at them DIDNT I TELL YOU NOT TO TALK TO STRANGER ADULTS!!!!!!! I just cleared the air and said I talked to them since they smiled at me. He said it was cool and is just paranoid because we lived in a city. I understood his concern but yelling at them the way he did was unnecessary.

[Feeture Feature]

I do hate that moms are so paranoid in supermarkets when someone smiles at their kids. I really want to smile and wave when a little kid in a shopping cart smiles. But I have learned that the only chance is to speak to the mother first and that does not always work. Also it's not only kids you have to worry about. Years ago I was waiting for a bus to come home from college. An older woman sat beside me in the waiting area and started a conversation. Suddenly she was yelling that I had touched her and said dirty things. I was dumbfounded. Luckily there were some of her family members nearby and they said she sometimes did this with strangers and they took her away with them before a real scene developed.