Opportunity?

[hiker]

I heard something very interesting today that posed a very viable opportunity and wanted to get your thoughts on the matter...

Right outside my office is a set of cubicles in which some of the accounting folks work. A few girls had gathered at one of the cubicles and one was talking how she had just received a pedicure. Another girl, which we'll call Tina, interjected with "I love getting pedicures. I love having my feet touched and massaged". Tina went on and on about her feet when another girl said "you need to find a guy with a foot fetish", to which Tina replied, "I should be so lucky. I would make him the happiest guy in the world, and me the happiest woman". All the girls started laughing, but Tina pressed on with "I'm dead serious, I'd love to meet a guy who would pay attention to my feet". I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't kidding.

Now this wouldn't normally work me up as much as it did, but Tina has extremely nice feet and wears nylons A LOT. She's a pretty attractive girl, with great feet (isn't it odd how nice feet can bump a girl from a 7 to a 9?). She's about 5''3" or so, with great legs and attractive feet (I already said that, didn't I?). More to the point, Tina and I get along famously. Whenever the company folk get together for drinks after work, her and I always seem to end up talking all night. We're both single (I just broke up with a girlfriend a few weeks ago, and Tina always tells me how she can't seem to find the right guy) and we're about the same age.

Here's the thing... I know that swimming in the company pool isn't the smartest thing in the world, but how could I pass up this opportunity? I know that if I asked her out she would go. She always used to tell me how my girlfriend (at the time) was lucky, and that she wanted to find a guy like me, and she's always complimenting me. I could see the writing on the walll, but I've never given her serious thought until I heard that conversation. Attractive girl, great personality, always wears nylons, and again, great feet. It was like a wake up call. This is what I've been searching for. Shit, this is what most of us here have be searching for.

On the other hand, is it worth tarnishing my carrer? I'm senior management, and things wouldn't bode well if the relationship turned sour, not to mention how uncomfortable it would be around the office. She doesn't report to me, and we don't directly work together a lot, but I know it still couldn't amount to anything but trouble down the road (I'm not looking to get married anytime soon, and all of my colleages are quite aware of that). I know that my boss, an officer of the company, wouldn't be too happy about it either.

What do you guys think? This is killing me.

[Dead Parrot]

Howdy Hiker,

My bottom line advice: don't do it. I say this for the reasons you list in your last paragraph. They are all quite valid.

If either of you worked in another organization it would be fine. But because you're toiling under the same roof there are too many things that could potentially go wrong.

1) If things did turn sour as you say then you'd still see her every day (unless one of you quit or transferred). Do you want the added stress and not knowing exactly how it's going to affect her? You might handle it fine, but her...? Fatal Attraction anyone?

2) Even if she's not a direct report you still face the problem of her friends and co-workers. If someone gets jealous or believes that you could influence the person she does report to then you could have a complaint on your hands. You know as well as I do that when it comes to gender complaints in the West a man is guilty until proven innocent when the accuser is a female.

3) Plus you mention your boss wouldn't be happy about this. Would this affect your performance review? He may question your judgement.

Hiker, if you're in a senior management position I wouldn't do anything that would threaten my long term prospects for life. Save your money and spend your time travelling and looking for a place overseas to live when you retire (early hopefully). Then spend those retirement years focused on your hobbies. Besides, I think you'd be better off with a foreign woman anyway.

Just let this one pass and stay committed to your long-term goals.

Good luck,

DP

[hiker]

That's pretty much the way I say it as well.

I've been playing out the scenario looking for a way I could make this work, even though I know there are way too many variables. First of all, you cannot effectively predict the choices other people will make. Free will can be a bitch.

In addtion, I have have been looking for reasons on why going after her would be a good thing, as opposed to a bad thing... and that scares me. Normally, I look at the negative side of an idea/opportunity because I find that by playing devil's advocate you raise all the doubts... and if you can work through those doubts then you've given yourself an answer. For this one, I can't overcome the doubts.

That being said, I think I will file this one away for the time being. I just have to be very careful when I attend the company's social events. I never trust myself when alcohol is present. No matter how much you watch yourself... when that chip is planted, it's an uphill battle if you're not thinking with a clear head.

DP, I must say that I'm curious about something though... Why do you think I'd be better off with a foreign woman?

[Dead Parrot]

Normally, I look at the negative side of an idea/opportunity because I find that by playing devil's advocate you raise all the doubts... and if you can work through those doubts then you've given yourself an answer.

Nothing wrong with that at all. Sounds like just good 'ol decision making processes at work.

DP, I must say that I'm curious about something though... Why do you think I'd be better off with a foreign woman?

Heh heh. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want to open up a can of political or gender worms. Let me choose my words here very carefully...

As a successful man you obviously want to protect all that you have worked for and all that you will potentially accomplish. When you are looking for a wife you should consider not only what she can offer you as a mate and a mother to your children but at her background and the legal ramifications of any problems you may face in the future.

You want a woman who will view you as a partner, not an enemy or a competitor. She should support you, not try to "one-up" you or make herself look good at your expense. She should understand the division of labor that makes a marriage work, and look forward to being a mother.
Lastly, you want to avoid women whose countries laws and culture encourage and reward her for divorcing and suing for child custody.

With that in mind I believe a woman from Asia, Eastern Europe or South America will offer you the best of all possible worlds. If nothing else you should travel to these places on regular vacations. Every man should go abroad as often as possible, both to expand his intellect and for the sheer adventure of the experience.

Hey, maybe it's just me. From personal experience I'm glad that my near miss with a California girl back in the mid-1990s never came to pass. I look back her and what things would have been like and I shudder. That would have been hell if I'd married her. Add to that the uber-user I dated in Texas before that. Nothing like hindsight to make you realize who loved you and who didn't.

The very best relationship I've ever had was on my second tour in Germany. She was from France, and she was living and working in Munich
when I met her. Well educated, spoke four languages and was learning a fifth. She was cultured and looked like a more petite version of Sandra Bullock. In the short time we were together she treated me better than any woman I'd ever been with. I really wish that we could have worked that out. Alas, I still had several years left on my enlistment and was leaving Germany soon. My memories of her are fond ones and wherever she is I wish her the very best.

Well, now that I've treated you to a bit of sappy personal nostaliga let me get back to my point (if indeed I ever made one! ): travel, meet foreign women and plan on retiring overseas. Your heart, wallet and mind will not regret it.

DP

[hiker]

I agree with you 100%. I have spent much time in Eastern Europe and concur with your observations. My mother and father both immigrated to the states in the early '60's from the Balkans, so I've been back to the "old country" many times, and have spent time visiting other European countries as well.

I have actually thought of finding a foreign woman when my time does come to take the dive. I see how my mother's mentality differs from all the woman I have ever met here. I see how my parents still care for each other like the day they fell in love, versus some of my friends parents (half of which are still married) that can't even look at each other. That being said, even if I did find a foreign girl I would still maintain the US as my primary residence.

So you can probably see the problem here... Even though I love this country, it has the power to corrupt absolutely. In this day and age the media, culture, and society would make any young woman conform to the norm (the US norm that is). It's not like it was 30 or 40 years ago.

But alas, you simply can't control who you fall in love with... At least I can't

Don't get me wrong here, I absolutely love this country, especially the women. I just don't trust a lot of them because of the very points you've made.

And don't worry about insulting me or watching your words. Ignorant statements are about the only thing that can insult me, and I can clearly see that you are NOT an ignorant person.

Wow, talk about getting off topic!

[Dead Parrot]

I agree with you 100%. I have spent much time in Eastern Europe and concur with your observations. My mother and father both immigrated to the states in the early '60's from the Balkans, so I've been back to the "old country" many times, and have spent time visiting other European countries as well.

That's great to hear! I'm chomping at the bit to get back over there myself. But that's a few years away at least.

I see how my mother's mentality differs from all the woman I have ever met here. I see how my parents still care for each other like the day they fell in love, versus some of my friends parents (half of which are still married) that can't even look at each other.

You are a fortunate man to have such a model for relationships. So many men nowadays have no idea what a healthy marriage looks like because their parents were never role models.

Don't get me wrong here, I absolutely love this country, especially the women. I just don't trust a lot of them because of the very points you've made.

I raise a mixed drink in toast.

And don't worry about insulting me or watching your words. Ignorant statements are about the only thing that can insult me, and I can clearly see that you are NOT an ignorant person.

Thank you sir (bows).

Wow, talk about getting off topic!

Hey, when the boss is away we can do things like this.

DP

[Dnice]

That's great someone said those things without you bringing it up. That's a rarity.